Being a black woman and looking for love can be difficult. People tell me about their fears and concerns all the time. Dating is hard for a lot of people, and while race and gender shouldn’t make it harder for us, it does. If you have recently ended a long term relationship or marriage, you may be nervous about dating again. Letting your guard down and trusting another person again can be tough, but if you use some of these tips, it will get easier.

  • Be confident. Tell yourself that you can handle a date. Think about all of your good qualities and do your best to bring them out on the date. Think of the things that interest you and the stuff you are good at and use these things to motivate you to let someone in to get to know you. They also make great topics of conversations. Find a date who is interested in the same things as you, and you will find that conversation and feelings flow naturally.
  • Find a reason to date instead of a reason not to date. We have all made of an excuse of why we aren’t dating or can’t date. You might claim to be busy or not have the chance to meet someone. Even when you use these as an excuse to avoid being set up on a blind date, you are also giving yourself a reason, not to date at all. Stop making excuses and make the time to meet someone new.
  • Try online dating. Online dating takes away the awkwardness of a first date and lets you get to know someone at your own pace. You can talk online or set up a real date on your terms. Many people find online dating much easier than real dating.
  • Try a group date. When you are with more people, you are more likely to be outgoing and comfortable. Your friends can help bring out the best in you, and you will find that you are more laid back during the date and things feel more natural. You can always move on to one on one dating later on when you are ready and have overcome your fear of dating.

It is not uncommon to be nervous or have anxiety when it comes to dating, especially for black women. Use the above tips to help you feel more confident and overcome your fear of venturing back out into the dating world.